Imaginationland for diseases and other creatures of habit

So it has obviously been quite a while since I even thought about blogging. Well, that's not technically true - I've thought about blogging quite a bit. In fact, I actually began writing this very post in November of 2010. However, the reality has been that while a million other things took precedent, it hasn't been until now that I've been ready to let go of many of the things that have been holding me back. This is, of course, quite distressing if only because there's been a lot to talk about since I last blogged.

Here's a short list of things of some of the things that I wanted to blog about but didn't in the interim (and probably won't subject you to retroactively):

Glee - Seasons 2 and 3 and the awesomeness that is Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Blaine (Darren Criss)

The 2010 Midterm elections - including Lisa Murkowski's successful write-in bid for Senate and the ever-controversial Rand Paul

The failure of the Senate to pass DADT repeal before the 2010 midterms, its subsequent repeal during the lame duck session, and final reversal during 2011

The numerous gay teen suicides and the amazing "It Gets Better" campaign (see Zachary Quinto's amazing video below for reference)



My successful attempt at sweet potato casserole (and various other culinary creations)! (See here for photographic proof)

Research and its numerous pitfalls joyous wonders

Fall in New England (No really, you need to see this)

The preposterousness awesomeness of the 2012 Republican primary season

Well, you get the idea. There are probably many more things that I wish I'd written about during my hiatus but these are at least a good flavor. This is not to say that these topics are completely dead. I might try to make up some ground on a few of them (like DADT), but I won't bore you with full entries about each one.

That might, of course, lead you to wonder what has been keeping me from writing about these topics. Although I wasn't originally sure that I would write about this, I realized that while I was dealing with it, I thought that there was no one else who was going through anything like it and it definitely made me feel isolated. So with that, if even one person takes away something from my experience, then I suppose it'd be worth it. And if nothing else it's going to be cathartic for me. So there. Ha.

At this point you're of course thinking that either I have murdered someone or been fighting off ninjas. While I've come close to the latter a few times, neither have been the case. Instead for the past year and a half, going back to even May of 2010, I've been dealing with health anxiety. In fact, during the aftermath of my initial wave of existential crisis when this health anxiety began to set in was when I first began this blog as a means of distraction and a space to vent.

Of course this is what psychologists would call hypochondria. Now in my mind true hypochondriacs are those who believe unequivocally that they have a particular ailment or disease. I don't feel as though I've ever really gotten to this point. Instead I've been much more concerned about just making sure that I was well, and while this often meant making sure that I didn't have a particular disease, I never quite got to the point where I was fully convinced that I had the diseases that I was afraid of. Regardless of my fear, I always had an equally rational part of my mind trying to recite the statistical reality that having any one (let alone multiple) of the diseases I became afraid of was almost nil. The main point though was that I was afraid that I was going to have one of a multitude of diseases - some chronic and some incurable which only added to my anxiety, and ultimately this anxiety became debilitating.

Of course, my therapist drew the distinction that while one may not be convinced of having a particular disease, the fear of disease is still just as powerful if not a different form of hypochondria. You might wonder what diseases I could have possibly been afraid of as a 23/24 year old with no known medical conditions other than being relatively overweight. Here is a list (which probably is not exhaustive) of the diseases or conditions that at some point I was afraid of having:

Brain tumor

Unruptured brain aneurysm

Kidney disease

Fibromyalgia

Crohn's disease

Mononucleosis

Multiple sclerosis

Leukemia

Lyme disease

ALS (Lou Gherig's disease - more on this in a bit)

and HIV (though anyone who is sexually active should know their status!)

Now, I'd really like you to take a look at that list. Just stop and peruse it one more time...

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Did you do it? HOW FREAKIN' SCARY IS THAT?!?!?! Of the 11 items in that list, only 2 are non-chronic/terminal/life-threatening - Mono and Lyme (though if left undetected Lyme eventually causes serious problems but it can ultimately be cured). Further, 5 are incurable, chronic, or progressive illnesses (Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, MS, ALS, HIV - 6 if you include kidney disease as this often is progressive, ending in the need for kidney transplants but that can be over the course of a lifetime) with ALS being assuredly a terminal illness.

Now, imagine that you are concerned about having any one of these. What about 2? 3? What if as soon as you were done being concerned about one, you started to be concerned about another? It’s certainly enough to make your head spin, but more than that, imagine what it would do to you psychologically to constantly be worried about your health and be convinced of your imminent demise. What kind of space does that leave in your mind for the multitude of other things that you have to do during a day? In my experience, the answer is unequivocally – not very much.

Now, before I begin this lengthy diatribe, remember that part of my reasoning in writing it is to provide the slightest bit of insight not only into my own experiences over the last 18 months, but to provide an account of what it is like to suffer through such oppressive anxiety in the hopes that someone may take some bit of comfort from it (if only to know that it hasn’t been as bad for them). Dealing with existential crisis in and of itself can be a terrible ordeal. To suddenly be unsure of one’s place in the universe or feel as if you’re so small that no matter what you do, it will ultimately be completely insignificant in the grand scheme of things can be shocking. We’re all brought up to feel that we have our own lives to lead – a story to tell and be a part of. To then feel as though your story is no longer your own is to feel as though you’re being tossed around like a rag doll in the currents of a world run amok.

Now imagine that not only do you have these feelings, but that they are exacerbated by a belief that your death is no longer a far-off, down-the-road event but an event that is just around the corner. It is a feeling not only of heavy dread, but sorrow for unfulfilled potential and the loss of expected future life events. It is a shock to the system which paralyzes and numbs – a shock that while easy to induce is unimaginably hard to be rid of. It results in a meltdown of nuclear proportions leaving only a barely-functioning individual capable of only the most mundane of tasks necessary for continued survival. All other motivation and energy is sapped away into a void of self-defeated fear rendering the most menial tasks difficult and social interaction or creating anything of substance all but impossible. TL:DR version - This is a long-winded way of saying that dealing with these issues suuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

To make matters even worse (I know, right?), the greatest part of my anxiety has centered around ALS or Lou-Gherig’s disease. I won’t enumerate the specifics of the disease, but in short, it results in fatal wasting of the body’s muscles, rendering it unable to support itself or necessary functions. Further, there is no known curative treatment for the disease and even the few treatments which exist to prolong life in the slightest of ways are exceptionally unreliable. So, given the debilitating nature of hypochondria-induced anxiety, what worse disease to fuel that anxiety than one which is rare, incurable, untreatable, slow to show its effects, and ultimately fatal? No amount of repeating the statistics and quiet reassurances can fight the anxiety ultimately brought on by such a hypochondria-induced existential spiral. And this is where I found myself for well over a year and a half – a hostage to my own anxiety. Sure, I would have times where I would try to pull away and remind myself that there were things that were far more important (like my grad school work), but no matter how much I tried, I found myself unable to detach myself from this relentless force. Instead, my work languished, my relationships suffered, and worst of all, I couldn’t seem to fight any of it. This isn’t to say that I didn’t care about what was happening. On some rational level, I knew that it was all ridiculous and a total fabrication of my mind, but this was little comfort or use against the continual onslaught of my existential angst. And so it went on. And on. And on. I struggled to put the necessary effort into my work, and when I did, it meant that I had that much less energy to put into my relationships or vice versa. All the while, when I was left to my own devices, I would feel as though I was drowning in self-pity and anxiety.

Now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you, you have to be wondering, “How on earth does this possibly have a good outcome?” The answer is that I was lucky. Over the course of this ordeal I tried many times to simply talk myself out of it, to wake up to the reality that I was fine and that there was so much for me left to do and explore (and that I’d have the opportunity to do it), but the reality was that it just wasn’t enough. It took a final confrontation with one of my doctors to give me enough shame energy to push me to seek out antidepressants as a means of treating my anxiety. I had long fought the notion of using medication, consistently repeating to myself that if there was really nothing wrong with me, I could simply will it away. Unfortunately, the truth was that I was simply not capable by will alone of breaking the cycle of I’m-anxious-therefore-I-notice-the-slightest-body-change-which-seems-to-indicate-a-rare-fatal-ilness-therefore-I’m-anxious.

Say what you will about placebo effects, but just the thought of having some form of help other than therapy (which I found to be woefully ineffective) began to break me out of my self-imposed prison even as I was only days into antidepressant therapy, not to mention whatever minimal therapeutic effects I was receiving from the medication itself. To mix metaphors, it was like waking up from a dream, having the scales removed from my eyes, and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. That may sound extreme, but given where I was starting from, it’s exceptionally accurate. As my anxiety started to fall away, I could feel my energy returning and was finally able to channel it into forging new, meaningful relationships and start to focus on my work again. This isn’t to say that it turned out to be a miracle cure. As I no longer had to continually deal with my anxiety, I came to realize that there were other things holding me back - my perfectionism and fear of failure for starters. Yet, in the grand scheme of things, these were minor setbacks to be tackled as part of a growth experience - a growth experience that had been prevented and stunted by my health-related fears. But those minor setbacks would not prevent me from reaching my dreams and pursuing what makes me happy.


"Hold your dream, don't ever let it go. Be yourself and let the world take the rest."

So in the past few months, I have finally started to feel like myself again. A person who has the potential to do great things, know great people, and generally make the most out of life. The main regret I have is that I’ve wasted so much time trapped within my own mind with what-ifs and worst-case scenarios. In a sadly ironic sort of way, it made this blog that much more relevant considering I managed to trap myself in a mental Skinner box. Therein, regardless of what I did, the vicious cycle of anxiety and hypochondria fed each other into a paralyzing furor and all but forced me to give up hope.

But now the box has opened, and it’s time to move forward. I can’t say that it won’t be an ongoing struggle to avoid falling back into my own mental traps, but I refuse to let this experience define me or continue to have power over me. Thus, short of another catastrophic meltdown, I will probably not write about it again. It’s time to start fresh, realizing that there are highs and lows, happiness and sadness, successes and failures, and good days and bad. But importantly, those happy days have finally returned.

The TSA and You: A Chat at Logan Airport

So, after my experience this morning, I felt that I had to share my exchange with the new TSA Conversationalists (see details here), if only because I was so annoyed. This may have been compounded by the fact that I was running late and ultimately missed my flight - though I got it rescheduled - but even in retrospect, I'm quite sure that I felt more than a little uncomfortable with the experience. If you read the article linked above, you'll notice that the TSA describes this as a "conversation" that TSA agents are supposed to have with passengers, but it certainly felt more like an interrogation where none of my answers appeared to good enough.

The new TSA agents who give the behavioral interview are to be found immediately following having your ID and boarding pass authorized by the cute little old lady or old guy who sit behind their little desk all day. The first question was innocent enough:

Agent:"So, what's your final destination?" Me:"Well, I'm flying into Atlanta and then on to Charleston to visit some family."

However, that was pretty much where the light-hearted conversation ended. Note: Annoyed thoughts that popped into my head as the "Conversation" ensued are to be found in brackets [ ].

A: "What brought you to the Boston area?" Me:"I actually live here." A:"Oh, do you? Exactly how long have you lived in the area?" Me:"Just about 2 years now." A:"Hmm, well that's strange. You don't have a local ID..." Me:"Well I'm a graduate student, so I technically don't claim residency here." A:"Well, if you're a student, you'll need to show me a school ID." Me:"Uh, ok... I go to Northeastern (Fumbles for wallet for school ID)" A:"I see..."

A:"It looks like you ran here or something. Why are you so out of breath?" Me:"Well, I've been trying to hurry. I'm running late and I'm trying not to miss my flight." A:"Oh, running late are you? When exactly is your flight?" Me:"12:15. In just under 20 minutes. [I wanted to say, "Which you can see from my boarding pass that you have there in your hand" =\].

A:"And exactly why are you running late?" [Seriously? Because people run late... What kind of question is that?] Me:"I just moved yesterday and stayed with a friend last night. It ended up taking much longer than I thought to get here. Plus everything seemed to be running behind." A:"Uh huh. Exactly how did you get here?" Me:"The T." A:"Ah, I see." Me:"Yeah. Each train took about 15 minutes to actually arrive, plus the airport shuttles weren't running on time. It was kind of a pain in the ass." A:"A pain in the ass, huh?" [Yes. It was a pain in the ass, please stop parroting me. Yeesh.] "Exactly which trains did you take to get here?" Me:"Well I was coming from JP, so I took the Orange Line to State and then the Blue Line here." A:"I see."

A:"Exactly how long are you traveling?" Me:"About 10 days. I'll be back right after Labor Day." A:"And how many bags did you check?" Me:"I didn't check any." [And I couldn't because, you know, I'm running late for the flight that I'm trying to get to, but you're holding a ridiculously conversation with me preventing me from getting there] A:"You mean to tell me that you're going away for 10 days and didn't check any bags?" Me:"Well, as you can see, I have my carry-on..." A:"You really have everything that you need for 10 days in that bag?" Me:"Uh, yeah. I travel light. I don't need two suitcases worth of clothes..." [Not to mention if you'd actually listened to me, I told you that I was going to visit family. Don't you think I could do laundry while I was traveling?] A:"Uh huh. OK. Well I guess you can go through..."

So, although I've tried to relay as accurately as possible the conversation, one thing that I can't convey was the tone with which all of the TSA agent's questions and comments were made. Every time he parroted one of my answers in the form of a rhetorical question with a more than skeptical tone, it made me feel less and less like I was supposed to be there. Even if, as the TSA chief says, they're not so much interested in the answers to the questions, speaking to passengers in that kind of condescending tone is likely to elicit exactly the uncomfortable behavior that the agents are supposed to be looking for - not because someone is a possible terror threat, but because they start to feel as though they're being treated as if they have something to hide. It's enough to make even the most innocent person start to feel guilty for no apparent reason.

Like I said, all of this may have been made worse considering the stress of my running late. However, after I communicated this to the agent, he didn't try to make the process smoother. In fact, he started a line of questioning about WHY I was late. Seriously?! If I'd been in a more jovial mood, perhaps my view of the experience would be different. We'll have to see how it goes the next time I fly through Logan. But couple this treatment with the fact that the body scanners are still in effect, and this has the potential to make passengers feel even more maligned, not better about their airport experience. If eventually the body scanner is reverted to metal detectors with the addition of the behavioral interview, this might make everything more bearable, but I honestly don't see this happening. Instead, it seems more likely that we're going to be stuck with both.

It is important to note that the program at Logan is currently a pilot program. Kinks may be worked out before being exported to other airports, or it might not make it out of Logan at all and eventually be dropped. For the time being though, it's a pain in the ass. That's right, Mr. TSA agent. A. Pain. In. The. Ass.

Funk Up Your Journey: Glee Season 1 Wrap-Up

So, I realized this weekend that I had made pretty much one of the most egregious mistakes ever - I totally left out anything on the season finale of Glee. Furthermore, I didn't talk about the episode from the week before either! What kind of Gleek am I? I am so ashamed...

Before I continue, it's important to note that there are SPOILERS ahead. Notably, there are not only spoilers for these particular episodes but a lot of storylines are wrapped up so there may be spoilers for mid-season episodes as well if you haven't been keeping up. So, this is my obligatory SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! Furthermore this post will include a lot of video recap which speaks for itself so I apologize in advance for any lack of a witty rapport.

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To rectify said mistake, I shall now confer upon all of you the fantasticalness that has been the end of the first season of Glee.

Let's start with the Funk episode.



Now, I have to say that I care very little for the funk genre of music. There's something about it that is so horribly 70s that makes me want nothing to do with it. Furthermore, it tends to seem exceptionally fabricated and camp to me (granted, most of the people who grew up with that music would say the same about today's pop music), but it's just the way that I feel personally. Now, that being said, Glee takes it to a place where I can really relate to this style of music. This seems to really be the musical strength of the show. They could sing "Mary had a Little Lamb" and based on the context they would make me love it. There's something to be said for the power of visuals and storytelling and these spill over into the music that the show puts out for our enjoyment.

While the episode's music turns out great, I don't think I necessarily cared for the plot very much. Here's why: the Jesse St. James storyline for whatever reason kind of fell into a black hole and then came back to slap us in the face. In the episode "Bad Reputation," Rachel hurts all of the guys - Finn, Puck, and Jesse - by having them star in the awful, awful video and rendition of Run, Joey, Run but each thinking they were the sole star. At the end of the episode we see Jesse walk out of the choir room, like everyone else, quite hurt. However, this is never really explained to us, but apparently in Funk, we find out that he had actually completely left the glee club, something that was never really flushed out, and I had to comb back through the episodes to piece together an understanding of it. More confusingly, he has moved back to Carmel High to be in Vocal Adrenaline, though he and Rachel had seemingly made up as he helped Shelby get in touch with Rachel. The last we saw Jesse, he had put on the tape of Shelby singing, "I Dreamed a Dream" for Rachel. Yet, now he's completely slighted and back at Vocal Adrenaline? My guess is that this is mostly a function of some scenes that never made it into the final aired versions. Supposedly when the episodes are released outside of iTunes over the summer, they will have extended content, most likely including some scenes that makes this whole void of a storyline much more understandable.

So here we are in Funk, with Jesse and Vocal Adrenaline performing "Another One Bites the Dust" to psych out New Directions. Honestly, compared to past Vocal Adrenaline numbers like "Rehab" and "Mercy," it didn't do much for me. What did do it for me in this episode? Two things. The first is Quinn's solo performance of "It's a Man's World." Now, there's something slightly disturbing about the fact that it include teen mothers who are all very pregnant dancing around the glee club choir room, but that aside, Dianna Agron continues to blow me away. In some of her early songs like, "I Say a Little Prayer" or "You Keep Me Hangin' On" her voice comes across as a little weak or breathy, but here, you can see that the girl has some amazing raw talent and soul. Yes, I have to admit that, like Mercedes, I also was like, "Um, what?" when Quinn announces that she wants to do a funk number, but this totally made me take it back!



Now, the other song that makes me really love this episode and somewhat redeems it's crappy storyline elements is the final number, "Give Up the Funk." Now, when I first saw that this was on the song list for Glee: The Music, Vol. 3, I have to say that I wasn't sure what to think. Basically there were two ways that it could have gone - completely horrible trainwreck or mountain of flaming awesomness. Which way did it go? Definitely the latter.



Also, although you may think it's totally dubbed in, that actually is Chris Colfer (Kurt) at the beginning of the song. He confirmed it on his Twitter page, noting that even the other castmates didn't believe it was him at first. The lines at the end from Jesse and the girl from Vocal Adrenaline bring the episode full circle and give us lots of hope for regionals. That being said, I don't have much else about this episode considering I didn't even like it THAT much, at least compared to the others, so let's move on to the awesomeness that is Journey!



Now there are a couple of things right off the bat that let us know that this isn't going to be the simple tour down the yellow-brick road that we would like it to be. Fresh off of the Cheerios' win at nationals (which Kurt is a part of by the way), Sue Sylvester is asked to be one of the celebrity judges at regionals along with, we later find out, Olivia Newton-John and Josh Groban (who have both had guest spots on Glee in previous episodes), and the Ohio TV anchor who was also a judge at Sectionals. This immediately sends everyone in the Glee club into a panic. How could they possibly even place when Sue, who has spent the entire season trying to sabotage and destroy the glee club, is one of the judges? We would later find out that this was actually the least problematic thing facing them at regionals. First, let's start with the 6 minutes of your life that should always leave you smiling. If it doesn't, you may, in fact, be a jerk. I'm just sayin'.



I don't really know what I can say here. "Faithfully" was actually the first Journey song that I ever fell in love with and I think Finn and Rachel killed it (note: this is right after Finn tells Rachel that he loves her and hopes to have a second chance with her - this is the first story line that gets some closure in this episode). Second, the mash-up of "Any Way You Want It / Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" is now on repeat in my iTunes. Lastly, and I think most importantly, I was surprised that Glee not only brought back but revamped and possibly topped "Don't Stop Believin'" which was kind of the inaugural song for the series and the one that really put it on the map. However, here we see that the song has evolved from the initial 6 voices that made us love it (Rachel, Finn, Artie, Tina, Kurt, and Mercedes) to the entire Glee club, most notably showcasing Puck and Santana. Again, I would just like to point out the fact that it's a total travesty that they hid Naya Rivera's voice under a rock for the majority of the season. It's absolutely amazeballs! Yes, I love Mark Salling's body voice too but hers is one of the show's great gems. At any rate, was like musical closure to see this number to have grown and evolved just like the characters in the glee club had throughout the season and it totally rocked my socks.

The other major number of the episode was Jesse St. James (Jonathan Groff) and Vocal Adrenaline performing Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." Again, like many songs that show up in Glee, I honestly never really cared for "Bohemian Rhapsody" before. I know, I know, that's like some great travesty against music, but it was just never my thing. I would like to say that this performance helped that, and it did a little bit, but it's just hard to cheer on Vocal Adrenaline when we've been groomed to hate them all season. The song overlaps quite nicely with Quinn giving birth; I'd just like to say that the fact that Quinn gives birth in the course of one song is definitely preposterous and while you could say that there's a time difference, the rest of the glee club is shown in the waiting room during the montage, however, I chalk this up to just one of the things that Glee takes a bit of realistic license with and that I have to accept. That being said, you can judge for yourselves (note: This is one of the few songs throughout the season that airs in its entirety and takes up pretty much entire segment of the show):



Now, since I've warned you of SPOILERS! I'll just go ahead and say that unfortunately New Directions doesn't even place at regionals. Vocal Adrenaline takes first place (BOOOOOO!) with Aural Intensity taking second. This leaves us in doubt as to what will happen to the glee club (though given that the show has already been renewed through season 3, it would be ridiculous to think that the club was going to get canned). Ironically, it's Olivia Newton-John and Josh Groban who end up sinking New Directions' chance at winning. Their cynical attitude leads them to choose the big production effects of Vocal Adrenaline over the "rag-tag bunch of misfits" from New Directions. Now, can we say that New Directions truly deserved to win? It's hard to say. Realistically, the glee club is in fact made up of misfits who have been together for less than a year and for the better part of that hated each others' guts. However, their talent is impossible to deny. It could be that they didn't have the stuff to stop the production juggernaut of Vocal Adrenaline but also the cynicism of the judges feeds into most of it. Back to that ironic part. Sue? For everything she did, she ends up letting her integrity as an educator and coach direct her decision though Will will likely forever think that she's a horrible monster who voted against New Directions for the sake of hurting them.





So basically we see that Glee will return to us for another year (actually 2!). We wrap up the major storylines of the season:

1) Finn and Rachel getting together
2) Quinn's pregnancy (and the baby's subsequent adoption by Shelby - awesome!)
3) Will and Emma (I didn't mention this but Will confronts her and wants another chance, though she'll supposedly get together with her dentist)
4) New Directions vs Vocal Adrenaline
5) Sue vs. the world.

All in all, it wasn't the ideal outcome. New Directions didn't place at regionals. But for a storyline perspective, I can't say that it was a bad decision. Let's say that they had won, then what? Where do you go from there if you set the bar that high? Would they then go on to win nationals? That would pretty much kill the premise of the show in two seasons. This way, we can see New Directions start another year with a new-found respective for each other and their craft and continue to bring us joy in music and hyperbolized stereotypes. Loves it! Can't wait for season 2! Until then, stay Gleeky!

A Little Bit of Vanity Never Hurt Anyone

Also, as a much less than 1,000 word blog entry, can we just talk about how awesome I think my glasses are? They kind of make me feel very nerdy chic or a little Clark Kent without the weird alien-from-outer-space-with-preposterous-super-powers-and-a-weakness-for-green-rocks-and-women side. However, while I loved them when I picked them out, I have to say that when I first put them on, I wondered if they said young, hip, indie nerd or middle aged, power lesbian. I'm now leaning more back toward the former.

Before glasses:


With glasses:


With glasses after haircut today:


I have to say that I've always wanted glasses because I thought they made smart people look smarter. I consider myself to be relatively smart, and so deeply desired to have glasses to enhance my intellect possibly to world-dominating proportions. For the longest time, the curse of perfect vision lingered over me. Luckily, grad school has come along and maimed my eyes just enough to spark the use of these lovely little lenses. A good thing? I think so. Thoughts?

iLove the iPad!

As promised, it's now time to talk about Thing 2. If you don't follow me on Twitter, you should (#shamelessplug), but if you do then you probably already knee that Thing 2 which was a bit of a gift to myself as well as a bit of a birthday gift from my parental units is the iPad!


Ok, the picture is slightly creepy, I know. But let's be honest, if you had an iPad you'd be fine being a little creepy with it too!

I have to say that although I know a lot of people see the iPad as simply an overgrown iPhone, this has not been my experience with it all, at least not yet. I think that the iPad can serve a great function in-between the iPhone and the computer. One of the great things that I loved about the iPhone was that it consolidated a lot of things into one place. I could use my phone as an iPod or conversely I was able to use my iPod as a phone. Let me tell you what dudes and dudettes, going from carrying around a phone and an iPod to simply carrying around the iPhone was the best thing to happen in a long time. Pulling out my BlackBerry to tweet or check emails while needing to fast forward to a new song was a hassle and a half. The iPhone was a great way to consolidate those two world. Of course the apps didn't hurt either and flawless integration with my MacBook Pro also won it brownie points, but that's another story.

The iPad serves a similar function. It incorporates some of my favorite features of the iPhone, mostly the apps and such, with some really nice computer power and functionality. Although the iPhone can and does play videos, the iPad really picks up on that and takes it to a new place. The iPad really has a good sized screen for mobile video viewing. It's not huge but it's certainly better proportioned than the iPhone and much better quality thanks to it's power. Also the iPad is much MUCH better for viewing and editing documents than either the iPhone or BlackBerry could have ever hoped to be. It helps that the iPad is naturally about the size of a piece of paper. What better size coulee there be for working on documents?

The keyboard is of course more accessible than the iPhone's though it still isn't the best. As people have said, the touchpad keyboard is great and serves a very specific purpose, but it will never replace the grounded feeling and physical feedback that you get from feeing your fingers fly across raised keys on a real keyboard. Sure, the letters on the touch keyboard are positioned in the same places which obviously is the big thing and while definitely help make it easy to get accustomed to, but you have to kind of believe that you're touching the right place and you only get confirmation from at based on the words that show up. There's very little spatiotemporal reassurance from touching the keys or to know that you've made a mistake.

That aside, the iPad runs like a dream. There aren't really any hang ups and even most of your iPhone apps will work on it. Some of them may not perform optimally and some do crash, but every day hundreds of apps are being added solely for the iPad. Remember, it's less than 3 months old. The iPhone has had years to build up an app base and since most of the apps are written by 3rd parties and not by Apple, it will just take longer for apps to emerge, but they're only limited by the needs of people. If there's an app that people need, it'll probably be made.


The other thing that I really enjoy about the iPad is the book reader. All I can say is that if you're even remotely considering buying a Kindle or, God forbid, a Nook (Barnes and Noble's feeble attempt to get on the ebook gravy train), pass them up and just go straight for the iPad, even if it's just the basic 16GB wi-fi version. By googling the Kindle, the price for it comes up on Amazon as $259. It has wi-fi as well as 3G capability (though these seem to be only to get you to the books) and a PDF reader. Now all of that sounds great right? It's not too terribly expensive and has some neat capabilities (including an interesting text-to-speech feature). However, the Kindle has only a 6" display which as far as I can tell has no backlighting (if I'm wrong about this someone let me know). That alone might not be enough to sink the ship, but there are a couple of other things to keep in mind. Although the Kindle is wi-fi and 3G capable, there's not much that you can do with that functionality except to find books on the go. Before we tackle the other aspects of why it's better to choose an iPad, let's simply start with the ebook functionality of the iPad. Exhibit A:


You see those apps at the top? Those are the iBooks, Kindle, and Barnes and Noble apps respectively. Each of them is free (F-R-E-E, free!) and provides access to the respective book libraries. That's right. All those books that you can buy with the Kindle? You can buy them with the iPad too. This isn't to say that you can't buy most of your books out of the iBook bookstore because you can, but Apple probably hasn't established rites with all of the publishing companies yet to get a hold of all of the copyrighted material necessary to have all of the same ebooks that Amazon does. But with the Kindle app, who cares? Between these three apps, if it exists as an ebook you're going to be able to get it on your iPad. Here's a look at the iBook app:


It's all very simple. You just click the Store button at the top, search for the book you want, purchase it with your iTunes store account, and download. Then once it shows up on your bookshelf you just click to start reading. From there you just tap on the sides of the screen to flip the page, or you can actually drag your finger as though you're flipping a real page, just for the added experience. I would show you a screenshot of the book that I'm reading right now Naturally Thin: Unleash Your Inner Skinnygirl and Free Yourself From a Lifetime of Dieting by the completely awesome Bethenny Frankel, but because of the copyright, I'm really reluctant to do so. I'll see if I can find some reassurance on doing that. Until then, just know that the books read flawlessly, are backlit exceptionally well, and blow the Kindle out of the water.

That alone is almost enough to really justify the iPad over the Kindle. That being said, even the low end iPad starts at $500, almost twice the cost of the Kindle. That might be enough to make some people balk, but remember what it is that you're getting. Really this is a mini computer. Remember all of that talk about consolidation? Here is one of the best ways you could possibly do that. The iPad can serve as a movie viewer, iPod, ebook reader, digital picture frame, surf the internet, has access to thousands of apps, can produce and edit documents with those apps, access and store your calendars and contacts, and so on and so on. The iPad is really only limited by the imagination of those who are making apps. The Kindle is NEVER going to move past being an eReader.

Now will the iPad replace your iPhone or your MacBook Pro? Highly unlikely. But it can definitely supplement them. Yes, having a laptop is great but it's really not all it's cracked up to be in the sense that it's hard to use on the go. Yes, it can GO from one place to another, but using it on the subway is definitely difficult as is trying to use it on a plane if you're not lucky enough to be in First Class since there is zero room. The iPad can work in those environments really well though because of it's size while still having some oomph behind it. If you want to travel but not carry your entire office with you, the iPad might be a good way to go. Like I said, the iPad is only limited by the apps that are made for it. It's up to your imagination to make it work for you, and it can! So in closing, all I can say is that if you're thinking about even maybe potentially considering getting an iPad, go and check it out in the Apple store, you won't be disappointed. They will probably have to reserve you one because they can't keep them in the store before they fly off the shelves. On the bright side, this may help to keep you from impulse buying as you'll have a few days to think it over before you have to pay for it. Now, go enjoy the shiny toy and be super envious of Thing 2 =)


Note: I typed this entire blog post in my iPad using the BlogPress app. It took still roughly 2 hours to do which really isn't substantially longer than I usually take with other posts, though going back and forth from one kind of keyboard to the other sucks donkey balls.

Cooking Under the Watchful Eye of Julia Child

So, once again, I've already failed at keeping up with the blog. The past week has been about trying to get back into the swing of things now that my two week (and somewhat unplanned) vacation is over. That being said, even though I'm no longer on vacation, I've been trying to treat myself to a few things to make my non-work life more bearable/enjoyable/exciting. We'll start with Thing 1 because it'll be easier and quicker and we'll get to Thing 2 tomorrow (and no, it's not the Cat in the Hat).

Thing 1:


That's right. It's Julia Child, bitches. That is, Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking: Vol. 1. And it's not JUST volume 1, oh no. It's the whole box set... BAM!


Didn't see that coming did ya? Well, actually, considering how much I love food (a la the last blog post) it may not be THAT big of a surprise. However, I've always been fairly content to let other people cook for me instead of going to the trouble of cooking for myself. Let's be honest, especially in grad school after working anywhere between an 8 to 12 hour day, an hour train ride each way to school, along with anything I have to do when I get home, who really wants to go through the trouble of prepping and cooking a meal that's mostly just for yourself? It's so much effort for so little payout. Ok, well, if you're cooking Julia Child's food, maybe it's a lot of payout and well worth it, but still, her food is aimed at a target audience of 1950s and 60s housewives as opposed to the poor, working grad student. That being said, all it took was watching Julie & Julia to rekindle a love of cooking which stretched back to my childhood cooking with parents.


Let's be honest, if you didn't like Julie & Julia you may be one of the following: Oscar the Grouch, anorexic, anti-Amy-Adams (how dare you?!), anti-Julia-Child (really? you'd go there?), living under a rock. I didn't include anti-Meryl-Streep because this is mostly a universal contradiction. Mostly Julie & Julia is a feel-good culinary soiree that isn't worth missing. Moreover, it made me, like I'm sure it made many other gays and/or women, run out and rediscover the joy of Julia Child (well about a year later anyway when I finally had the money to afford her books =P). This is not to say that I didn't know something of Julia already. She's shown up in popular culture quite a bit, including a skit on SNL back in the day. Also, once the promotions for the movie started, I had to go out and learn more. It was Julia who taught me how to really make an omelette on YouTube before I moved into my apartment in Boston. Talk about invaluable advice.



I think what makes Julia Child such an icon is not necessarily her recipes or even her unique stature and voice or the fact that she was one of the first real TV chefs. It's really about her no-apologies attitude to cooking. In an age where we have Top Chef, Iron Chef, Bobby Flay on the Food Network 5 hours a day, and have access to more kinds of awesome food than ever, it can be intimidating to step into your own kitchen and think that you can come out with something like Julia or any chef mentioned above could make. But when you go in with an attitude of, "I'm going to make what I think tastes good and it may or may not work out right or perfect but I'll cook with passion" then it's hard to go wrong.

Keeping all of that in mind, I had to try out one of Julia's recipes as soon as I got the book. What did I make you might ask? No, it wasn't the boeuf bourguignon, at least not yet. However, I was inspired by one of the recipes from the movie. So, I went for artichokes with hollandaise sauce along with rosemary, thyme, and garlic roasted red potatoes. This all sounds really fancy and complicated, but it actually wasn't. It did take a while, but that was mostly to allow for boiling the artichokes and just letting the potatoes cook. The actual prep time and time spent over the stove was really minimal.

Now, I don't mean to steal Julie Powell's thunder (note: if you want to take a trip through the Julie/Julia project just be mindful that navigating through it is a bit difficult thanks to its age), though perhaps given some of the criticism she's received over the years from both other bloggers as well as Julia Child herself I might not want her thunder (note: I recommend clicking the links here for some viewpoints on the subject), but I do like food. This will never be a tried and true food blog, but you're going to hear about my cooking and you're going to like it! Ok, maybe you won't like it, but maybe you'll be entertained by it. No? Not entertained by it? Sorry =(.

The nice thing about Julia Child's cookbook is that it really is an all-in-one resource guide for cooking. It's not just about the recipe like so many cookbooks are, but Julia took the time to talk about the things you were cooking with. For instance, there's a full page and a half on the anatomy of artichokes, when they're in season, and the best way to go about preparing them for cooking. This, I think, was part of Julia's quest to make cooking a science that would produce awesome results every time. Sure there was room for some messiness in the execution (don't be afraid to put that omelette back together!) but consistency was ultimately the name of the game. That being said, it's not that hard to boil artichokes once you know how to cut and clean them (thank goodness... they're so intimidating!). Hollandaise on the other hand is an entirely different matter.

It's amazing what you can do with eggs and butter, but they say that the sign of a true chef is in how they handle eggs. Getting eggs to do what you need them to do, especially when heat is involved is not so simple. The problem with eggs is that when you add heat, you can scramble them really quickly if you're not careful. Of course, if you're cooking breakfast, this isn't a problem. However, if you're trying to make an amazing sauce, you don't want it to come out all scrambled. How do you get around this? Well one of the ways is similar to what you do with chocolate by creating a kind of double-boiler. Basically you simmer/boil some water (depending on how hot you need to be) and then place a bowl over the sauce pan so that the heat is indirect. That all sounds well and good, right? RIGHT?! Too bad that eggs are still ridiculously finnicky. The first time I tried, I totally scrambled them and didn't really realize it until I'd started to add the second round of butter to the mix. At that point, I realized it wasn't looking very saucy, but instead it was looking kinda looking like pancake mix or something. So, I tossed it out and started over. The second time around, armed with a whisk, cold butter, and my steely resolve, I whipped those eggs and the butter into a frenzy that resulted in one of the most awesome sauces I've ever tasted. How did I accomplish this feat? Julia.

Will I ever be a chef, much less attain the level of cooking someone like Julia did? Not in a million years. But I don't think that's what the point of the cookbook was ever really about. Sure, we in America tend to think of French cooking as haute cuisine, but for the French, it's simply the way you cook. There's no reason it can't be the same way for us. That means we can make it work for us without having to be gourmet chefs.

The final ingredient to the dish was the potatoes. I have to say I had a bit of an affair here. My rekindled dedication to cooking this past week also led me to another cookbook by another person that I really love - Ina Garten.


Ina's show on the Food Network, Barefoot Contessa is easily one of my favorites. Although I don't think a lot of her food is practical for your everyday person cooking for everyday eating, it all looks so delicious! Last summer I made her seafood stew and it turned out ok, but probably would have been better with practice and fresh seafood (I mean, the woman lives in the Hamptons, how can you compete with that level of freshness when I was cooking in Kentucky at the time?). So I recently bought Barefoot in Paris and I like to think the potatoes that I made from it only mildly cheated on Julia. Julia does have a recipe for potatoes but they're more sauteed in butter which was close to, but not exactly what I was looking for. Instead, I did a play on Ina's herb-roasted new potatoes. The great part? They're SO EASY! I substituted red potatoes for golden new potatoes just because I like them better and used what herbs I had as opposed to the ones called for in the recipe. They were still classic herbs, though (the recipe called for parsley and some other stuff, I just used rosemary, thyme and garlic). Basically all you do is melt some butter in a pan, put in the cleaned potatoes, toss, cover, and cook for 20 minutes. No, really. That's it. Although Ina's recipe says to add the herbs at the end for about 5 minutes, I felt that this really defeated the purpose. I mean, we cook chicken with all of the herbs, why not the potatoes? So I tossed in the rosemary, thyme, and garlic at the beginning (note: putting in the garlic was a risky move as it can burn or overpower pretty easily). The only important thing is to shake the pan as you go to keep the potatoes from burning and sticking.

So, artichokes, hollandaise, and herb-roasted potatoes. How did it turn out you might ask? Well the artichokes were ok. I think I might try artichokes Provencal one day to just amp up the flavor. The hollandaise sauce definitely made the artichokes, but the problem with it is that it's quite rich - after all, it's eggs and butter with a splash of lemon juice and that's it. So the artichokes were pretty good, but the potatoes? Oh. My. God. I will commit that recipe to memory forever and ever because I pretty much had a foodgasm. And here is picture to taunt you with:


While we're on the make-your-mouth-water-with-food-that-I've-cooked train, here's something else that I made a while ago that I'm pretty proud of - Cajun-rubbed tilapia over Cajun-spiced rice with a chickpea salad:




Now that you're all thoroughly hungry (as am I) I shall only wrap up with this: between Julia and Ina, my love for Paris and the French have been rekindled. After all, if they can bring us food like this, then they have cooked their way into my heart. Not to mention the fact that if Paris doesn't touch you're heart, then you're a Grinch. That being said, may you dream of food in the City of Lights.

Flying on Memorial Day Weekend = DOOM! Seek Shelter in Awesome Food!

(Be forewarned that the first half of this is mostly ranting and raving but somehow segues into a culinary review of some of my favorite places to eat in Atlanta – nom nom nom! Read on to find out how!)

So obviously within the first week of blogging, I’ve already failed at updating daily. But I have a good excuse, I swear! I have to say that I rarely ever have problems flying. Moreover, the only times I’ve had problems flying have been with U.S. Air which was a disaster trying to get home after a grad school interview. It was their plane that needed maintenance so they bumped me to the next day but did zero for me. No food voucher, no stay at the hotel at the airport, nothing. Nada. Zippo. Instead it was, “Well, you should go back into the city and stay with someone…” which of course was impossible considering I didn’t KNOW anyone in Boston at the time. Since then, I’ve had several people tell me that U.S. Air has a very corporate attiude when it comes to their customers and flights – “You’ll fly when it’s convenient for us, and you’ll like it!” Thanks a bunch U.S. Air. Your one-time stunt helped me never to want to fly on your craptastical airline ever again.

That being said, this weekend wasn’t really any better. After spending a week on the Isle of Palms in lovely Charleston, SC with my parents (who have found a house that they like, though I don’t really see it as a vacation home but as more of a second home - if they want to do that, I suppose it’s fine, but I would never justify spending that kind of money for the house that they’re considering) I was all set to fly back to Boston. Although the trip was technically a vacation, I was actually looking forward to getting back to Beantown. Thanks to my existential crisis as of late, I actually prefer not to be left alone with a lot of time to myself and to my thoughts. All that seems to accomplish is to get me started on an endless loop of what-ifs and maybes about life that only provoke and self-perpetuate anxiety. Apparently throwing myself into work is now my mental vacation – FML. At any rate, as I was saying before I pulled a little raincloud overhead, I was good to go to fly back to Boston, had a nice seafood lunch, got to the airport, said goodbye to my family, and headed through security.

From the time that I checked-in to the time that I got to the gate, the flight had been delayed by 30 minutes. Although irritating, it wasn’t the end of the world. I’d left a little over an hour for my layover at the Atlanta airport, and although Atlanta can be a madhouse, it should have still been easy enough to make my connecting flight. Until of course, the storm of DOOOOOM appeared (extra letters and caps lock have been added here for emphasis and may not be suitable for those under 13). As we were sitting on the runway to take off, we were informed that due to bad weather in Atlanta, incoming flights were having their departure times scheduled from Atlanta to control incoming traffic. While the delay there would have made me miss my original connecting flight, I had already checked to make sure there was another, just in case. So, off we went to Atlanta – whoosh! – only to be forced into a holding pattern (over the city once we got there, mind you) until the weather cleared. The problem then became (as if there weren’t enough already) that the plane was too small to hold enough fuel to circle for too long. Apparently the storm hovered just long enough to force us back to Charleston. That’s right. I was actually OVER the city of Atlanta and had to fly BACK to Charleston where I started from. Oy.

Now, at this point, the trip had already turned into a bona fide fiasco. How could it possibly get any worse you might ask? What could it possible take to make the day into a certified debacle? After getting back to Charleston, there was an entire plane full of people waiting to talk to two gate agents about moving and getting on different flights. Halfway through that line, they announced that all 3 of the Atlanta flights for that evening would now be able to back to Atlanta since they’d been refueled and the weather had let up. That sounds great right?! Except, oh wait, by that time, I would have gotten to Atlanta 15 minutes after the last flight to Boston would have left for the evening. At this point, I found the whole thing too ridiculous to be angry at. I just had to laugh and walk in circles for about 2 minutes while I tried to figure out how to remain sane. Then, I got to talk to the gate agent. Joy. What did that all-knowing, all-powerful gate agent have to tell me? I couldn’t get on a flight to Boston until at least Sunday. That’s right. It was Friday night at 8:30 p.m., I was back in the place I’d started after circling around the city I was supposed to be in, and now I couldn’t get back until over 48 hours later.

Because of the nature of the Charleston airport, Delta really only services two major cities, Atlanta and New York at LaGuardia. The flights to Boston out of those cities, though, were all booked. Fan-fucking-tastic. Even worse? I thought I’d turn the layover into a chance to see some people in Atlanta – and the gate agent told me it wasn’t possible to do a layover that wasn’t on the same day. This is, of course, preposterous. Although making the layover more than say 8 or 9 hours is unusual, I’d seen people change their flights to have 2 or 3 days layover in front of my very eyes. And here I was unable to get home for at least 48 hours, and a huffy, blonde gate agent was going to try and tell me that I couldn’t do something that I’d seen other people flying on Delta do right in front of me? Oh. Hell. No. You better know that I went on all-out only-child-gay-guy-bitch fit. And it worked. Don’t mess. Got it?

Basically from there, I went back to the condo for the night with my parents and got up less than 6 hours later to catch my flight to Atlanta. I booked a pretty nice hotel downtown for a relatively cheap amount (Hyatt Place in case you’re interested – I booked it through Travelocity and it was about $100 a night with a king-sized bed, giant TV, couch, and the staff was great)


I also rented a car through Enterprise and ended up with a new black Mustang convertible. Suhweet!


Now that I’ve plugged various travel establishments in Atlanta, I shall cover some of my favorite restaurants that I went to while I was there. First, Saba (note that the picture is before they finished their remodel).


Although it may seem unassuming and the Emory kids have probably come to hate it after eating too much of it, I loved this place when I was there two summers ago and I love it even more now. They recently renovated the inside and it’s awesome! It has an actual bar area and everything else is updated and modern. If you happen to ever go and like seafood, I highly recommend the Penne Grecco. It has shrimp and kalamari in an awesome, slightly spicy sauce, over penne along with feta cheese, kalamata olives, tomatoes, and peppers. AWESOME!

Next is Café Intermezzo.



While I enjoy dinner here as well (the tortellini is great and I did ok with the seafood risotto, though the shrimp either seemed slightly undercooked or were cooked with the risotto in such a way that they turned out slimy), Intermezzo should be most noted for their drinks and desserts. When you can get your own tour guide for the dessert section, you know you’re in the right place. I enjoy their cheesecake mostly, but the others are all worth a go. They also have a drink book that’s about as big as the menu at the Cheesecake Factory. And if you know anything about that menu, all I can say is that you could probably come to Intermezzo every day for a year and not get through half of their drink list.

Continuing on our tour of culinary Atlanta, the Flying Biscuit is the ideal place for breakfast, no matter what time of day.


My favorite is the Clifton omelet which is stuffed with mushrooms and goat cheese. Also, I don’t care whether or not you THINK you like grits, you have to try the grits here. They are completely amazing! There’s cheese melted in them along with being perfectly cooked and seasoned. It’s like a party in your mouth and you’re invited!


Simply put - SHOUT.



I wasn’t actually able to eat there this time around – sad panda =( - but it’s worth mentioning because if it hadn’t been for Memorial Day, I would have eaten there for lunch today. There are a couple of restaurants, including SHOUT, which are all owned by the same people and serve tapas. It wasn’t until I came to Atlanta 2 years ago that I was introduced into the wonders of tapas. If you haven’t experienced the fun and awesomeness of a tapas restaurant, do yourself a favor – go find one and pig out. It helps to go with a friend to pick a variety and share, but you could easily make do by yourself. SHOUT, along with it’s sister restaurant TWIST and third-wheel Noche, all have an all-you-can-eat tapas night (I know Noche is on Monday and I think that the others are as well) for $10 before a certain time. It’s a special chef-prepared menu and only lasts while the food does, but it’s well worth it. Although I like all 3, SHOUT has the better atmosphere in my opinion. Located in Midtown, it has two stories, the upper of which has an outdoor area that, so I’m told, tends to turn into a big dance party. The inside is definitely modern and well done, if not slightly crowded in the front. Either way, there’s something on the menu for everyone and it will be nom-a-licious.

Where DID I go to eat lunch, then, you might ask? Another awesome place – Alon’s.



While Alon’s isn’t really a restaurant per se, you can get restaurant-type food. Mostly, it’s more of a deli/market/bakery, but you can get sandwiches along with pre-made sides. My sandwich favorite is the Asian Salmon. It has an awesome glaze on it and is topped with cucumbers and sprouts. MMMM! Although they didn’t have them this time, I usually get the garlic roasted red potatoes as a side. When they’re in season though, don’t hesitate to go for the cherry tomato and mozzarella salad. You won’t be disappointed! It’s not just tomatoes and cheese as you might expect – there’s a light coating of something that I can’t quite place (it’s not just olive oil unless it’s super high quality but seems to also have some kind of herb or seasoning) that really makes it. They also have desserts, cheese, and bread that you can buy just for your own home.

Now that we’ve been down culinary lane, I’m sitting on a plane, in a tight, cramped seat, doing some writing and actually looking forward to being back in Boston (even if I’ll be starving when I get there now), if only to be distracted. From here on out, the month of June will be my first year paper on the differences in the instantiation of psychological essentialism in natural kinds versus social categories. Sounds like a blast, right? Well, if you’re a nerd like me, then yes, it is. If not, I apologize in advance as you’ll probably here about it at some point. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll get back into the swing of things with blogging. The next topic to come up out of my bag of tricks is most likely to be the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell repeal so you’ll get to see my political side. I don’t guarantee that you’ll agree, but if you decide to read it and you have an opinion, you're more than welcome to share it, just at least keep it civil ;-).

Until then, have some good eats and nom nom nom!

On the Importance of Exercise in the Age of Grad School (A Case Study in Tennis Lessons)

Oh grad school. You take away many things from me: a social life, feelings of self-worth, sleep, my sanity… But you also take away something else from me – time to exercise. Now, this is not to say that this is a grad-school-centered phenomenon and if I wasn’t in grad school this problem would magically disappear. For sure, there are things that we all do that keep us from really spending time in the gym, in the yard, or just taking a walk around the neighborhood. There are very few of us who can say that we lead lives that truly have hours a day left completely open for exercise. Yet, as much as we hate to admit it, of the things that we can and do make time for in our day-to-day lives, exercise should be one of them.

These thoughts come from the tennis lesson that I had today. I have to say that I love tennis. Summer makes me happy because it’s the French Open, Wimbledon, and the U.S. Open in about a span of 3 months. I get giddy =P. So, when I found myself on the beach with one of the highest rated tennis clubs in the South right down the street, I figured I’d take advantage and fit in a lesson from a pro.


Now, although I love tennis, I have to say that I’m at best highly mediocre. Factor in that I haven’t played more than once in almost a year, and I’m sure that I’m even less than decent at this point. That being said, I’ve always found that, at least for me, tennis is one of those sports where simply the more time you spend playing, the better you will get. Drills and such surely help if you know someone who can help you out, but repetition will be enough for your average recreational player.

In order to really get back into the game though, I thought it would be a horrible terrific idea to spend an hour doing drills with a pro to work on my shot consistency. Did he have some good advice? Definitely. He reminded me of things that I already knew a bit and showed me some things that I didn’t. I got a good reminder on getting under the ball and using topspin to keep it in the court – something I already knew – along with making sure to bend ze knees for more power. One of the things he showed me was that I wasn’t getting all the way around the ball when I was hitting it. Of course, I was being a bit lazy and keeping a bit of an open stance when hitting. This basically kept me from getting much power on the ball, even with bent knees. If you can’t swing around with it, much like baseball, where is the power going to come from? So, all of that being said, he definitely helped my game.


What wasn’t useful was my bright idea to schedule the lesson at 1 p.m. in the afternoon on an 80-something degree South Carolina day. Thank God for ocean breezes. Moreover, I haven’t worked out in about the same amount of time as I haven’t played tennis – about a year. And the latter is what really got me. At my weight, I’m already stressing my heart. Throw in intense aerobic exercise out in the heat with a huge stress on my core and it’s a recipe for disaster. And a disaster it was. After the first set of drills I was already having trouble catching my breath and my heart was pounding – probably over 180bpm. When you hit over 200bpm, you’re really at a point where you’re overtaxing yourself. 160 is supposed to be a really good aerobic range. If only I could have been there. Oy. Instead, even after taking about 8 or 10 minutes to slow down and get somewhat back to normal, the next set of drills killed me in about half the time. Flash forward and I had to take another break before really getting too far into the third set of drills and inevitably ended the lesson about 10 minutes early. Sure, that gave us plenty of time to pick up the balls littering the court, but it was more because I was completely spent than anything.

Now, although it was definitely intense and it was hot outside, to be so completely drained after about 45 minutes is not a good thing, especially when I was taking 5 or 10 minute breaks every 15 minutes. After already being on high-anxiety mode over other perceived health problems this summer (note that I said perceived – thanks existential crisis for sending me to near-hypochondria land), the fact is that my blood pressure is high, especially for someone my age. There were times were being on the tennis court was almost more painful than enjoyable.

Given all of that, I have resolved to join the gym near my apartment when I get back. Why I haven’t before is mostly a mystery. The sad part is that the gym is literally a block away. There is zero to no excuse why I shouldn’t be able to take advantage of it. What it comes down to is that the heart is a muscle and it needs to get a good workout. The more important thing is that it’s the little muscle that is pretty essential to life. Sure we can’t really do without any of our organs (save for that pesky appendix or one of those flakey kidneys or that gallbladder thing that I hear about once in a while), but we can’t really work out the others either, save for maybe the brain. That is to say, you can’t work out your liver to make it work better (contrary to many of my college friends’ who were in fraternities beliefs). There are of course things you can do to keep from harming those other organs, but the heart is unique in that exercise will decrease risk of heart disease, lower your blood pressure, and really increase it’s quality of functioning. Isn’t that worth it?


Coming from a family that has a history of diabetes and heart disease, I have always told myself that I wouldn’t let myself fall into that trap. And yet, here we are: I’m 22 years old, far overweight at 250, and bordering on being clinically diagnosed with high blood pressure. I refuse to let that happen. Instead, I will make the effort to get myself back to being someone that can be happy with. After all, there are cosmetic reasons for wanting to lose weight as well. Let’s face it, gay guys can be quite superficial (not to stereotype, but hey, the stereotype has to come from somewhere). Of course, exercise isn’t the only key to losing the weight and increasing overall health. That comes from diet as well, which certainly can’t be ignored. The first step, though, is making all of this habit. I’ve talked up a big game, and I hope I can live up to it.

Lady GleeGlee aka Glee goes GaGa for GaGa

Alright, I'm just going to come out and say it. Tonight's episode was probably my personal favorite of Glee so far.

Now, I know there are a lot of people who 1) Dislike GaGa (how dare you?!) 2)Dislike Glee and/or 3) Will dislike this particular episode of Glee regardless of their Gleek status. I acknowledge number 3 while anyone who falls within numbers 1 or 2 should reevaluate their feelings and come back (Note: if you return with feelings still in-line with numbers 1 and 2, repeat and try again). You may be asking yourself, "Why does he like it so much if he's willing to acknowledge #3 for other people?" The answer is relatively simple: this episode strikes an emotional chord with me even though a lot of its storyline is kind of lame.

Before we move on, note that there are some decent SPOILERS ahead so this is SPOILER ALERT for those of you who haven't watched the episode or even haven't been keeping up with the last few. SPOILER ALERT, SPOILER ALERT, SPOILER ALERT! My job is done here. Now, on with the theatricality.

Let's start with the latter part of my answer. Face it. The "high school dress code squelching individuality" premise that leads us to the awesomeness of GaGa is rather weak, though perhaps not totally unexpected when you're dealing with a show that relies heavily on archetypes and severe stereotypes to make its point. That reliance isn't necessarily a bad thing (though I know a lot of people see it that way), you just have to take it for what it is. Remember, the show is a raging satire. You have to take it that way. Taking it too seriously is to doom it to failure. There are way too many things in life to be serious about. Glee is not one of them. Take it easy and enjoy the ride.

Reverse tangent and back to the point. The storyline here isn't incredibly coherent and you can tell that we're in the doldrums leading up to the season finale with the culmination of a nearly a year of awesome with the much anticipated regionals episode ("Journey"). We do, however, see the convergence of several story lines coming to a somewhat reasonable conclusion: Rachel meets, talks with, and gets some closure with her mom, Kurt and Finn explode on each other (mostly Finn being an ass - more on this later), and Puck finally learns what it means to have fathered a child with Quinn. These are all things that have been brewing in the "back nine" of Glee and we've all been wanting to know what would happen. Yet, throwing them altogether at once makes each one of them slightly less satisfying to see. The whole episode could have just as easily been about only Rachel/Shelby or Kurt/Finn and it would have been stronger. That being said, I still enjoyed everything story-wise, perhaps just less than I would have otherwise.

Now on to first of the two parts that made me really love this episode. Simply put - GaGa.



I mean, how can you not love Glee going GaGa? Bad Romance was fantastic, complete with decked out GaGa attire (we have a jumper!). All of the ladies of Glee looked fierce and totally worked it! Can we talk about how Naya Rivera's (Santana's) voice has been the best kept secret on the show? Or how Dianna Agron can bring it like nobody's business? Perhaps most impressive was Chris Colfer rocking the GaGa heels. I mean, I don't know how he did it quite honestly. I know that some of the best gays have taken turns in their mother's heels, but not those ferocious foot monsters! At the end of the day, the Glee Cast version of Bad Romance will be rocking my speakers for quite a while. As far as Poker Face goes, I know that a lot of people have hated it. All you have to do is search Twitter with "Glee" and "Poker Face" to find that probably well over 1/2 of the people who commented thought it was sacrilege. I, however, think it worked well in the context of the show. I saw a lot of similar comments on the iTunes page for Glee: The Music, Vol. 3 - Showstoppers. Everyone thinks that Glee ruined Poker Face. First, it's pretty much inspired by a version that the Lady herself often performs live as opposed to the original version:



Here it seems to work to remind us that Shelby and Rachel, while mother and daughter, won't hold back when it comes down to regionals. Show choir is srs bznss after all. And while "I Dreamed a Dream" from last week's episode was technically a duet between Idina Menzel and Lea Michele, this takes on a different quality because we can actually singing to each other instead of simply about each other.

This brings up an important side note about the songs of Glee. While we can listen to them on iTunes and usually buy them a bit in advance, often it's the emotional attachment and response that comes with the story that we see played out in the episode that really makes these songs worth listening to. Sure, they're great on their own, but when they remind us of what it was that accompanied the song, they're that much better. Just sayin'.

Without much more fanfare, I also have to say that I loved the guys of Glee doing "Beth." Along the lines mentioned above, it takes on a different meaning when you understand why it is that Puck is singing it (and can we mention how hot Mark Salling is? I mean, come on. Puck sundae? Yes, please and thank you).






We finally see him take on some redeeming qualities that we haven't seen for a while (since his attempts to raise money for Quinn and the baby). Also, entirely unrelated to the singing itself, Dianna Agron keeps bringing humanity to Quinn that I would have never thought possible at the beginning of the season. Her facial expressions during the song made me want to run and hug her. However, that would have resulted in an awkward moment with my TV screen, so I simply teared up instead.


Now, on to the second part of what made tonight's Glee one of my personal favorites. In a way it's rather bittersweet, but the Finn vs. Kurt storyline really made this episode connect with me. Perhaps this is because I just identify with Kurt on a lot of levels. While I was never flamboyant in the way that Kurt is portrayed, I shared a lot of fears, loves, and trials. I was lucky in that I never had overt issues with any of my friends when I came out to them (at least not in an in-your-face kind of way) in much the same way as Kurt did. I'm fairly certain that a lot of this had to do with selective friend-picking. Yet, the Kurt/Finn explosion when they start sharing a room really reminds us that it's not always kitties and rainbows (no pun intended... or is it? no, not really) even when things look okay on the surface. Up to this point, Finn had seemed to be kind of comfortable with Kurt being gay, and flamboyantly so. Sure, they had awkward moments, but nothing that suggested a blow-up like this was coming our way. When we see the worlds of gay and straight collide in a closed space, though, the tables turn and we see the real issues spring up.

The truth of the matter is that, like Finn, I've seen so many straight guys that are comfortable with their gay friends only up to a point. There's like an invisible line that you toe where it's okay to be gay as long as you aren't letting it show too much, as though simply being in the presence of "the gay" risks exposure to the gay cooties. I experienced a lot of this in college. Whether or not it was real or perceived doesn't make a ton of difference. Simply the perception that it exists means there's probably some truth to it. Moreover, it's even harder when you feel like you can't really be yourself around someone you consider to be one of your closest friends and even worse when you're trying to suppress feelings for said friend because you're trying to respect them (a la Finn and Kurt). All of this I know from personal experience and all of it is echoed in tonight's episode (and some of the one leading up to it). Then to see Finn finally explode was both painful and heartbreaking because it somehow seems to confirm what can be lurking under the facade of calm "tolerance" that many straight guys seem to express. Remember, there's a big difference between "tolerance" and "acceptance." Does that mean all guys are this way? Not at all. This is a fictional television show, after all. But it's one of those deep dark fears that it taps into.

During the fight, Finn drops "faggy" all over the place and this is perhaps what stings the most. A lot of people use "gay" or "fag" and try and justify it because they say it's harmless and isn't derogatory. But, especially today, you would never use the "N" word casually (unless maybe if you're black - there's a stage where minority groups will recapture derogatory words for themselves and gays are getting there with "that's gay" and "fag" but that doesn't mean that it's okay for the majority to use it, especially when it maintains the negativity) or "retard" when talking about someone who is mentally handicapped. It's the insinuation behind the usage that makes it hurtful moreso than it being directed at a particular person (in this case, Finn never calls Kurt a "fag" but it doesn't matter). If someone is doing something and you say, "Pfft, that's gay," you've probably said it because you think that person is doing something dumb or out of place or distasteful. The insinuation though is that it's all of those things because it's gay. Thus, there's an underlying belief that being gay is a negative thing. Is all of this conscious? Probably not. That doesn't mean it isn't hurtful, though. Sure, you can say that we're always having to be politically correct, but if you're saying that, you're probably in a majority group where you never have to worry about your feelings getting hurt. Wait until you're on the other end of it and see how it feels and then we can talk.

The two ways the episode digs us out of that hole is with Kurt's dad and Finn at the end of the episode. Kurt's dad here personifies what I've always wanted in a friend - someone who would be willing to stand up for me no matter who or what I was with the utmost veracity. It left me speechless and puts Finn in his place. Lastly, Finn's appearance in the red GaGa dress at the end to come to Kurt's rescue was both priceless ("That's why I'm here... in a shower curtain...") and heartwarming. As a bit of GaGa trivia, it was the dress that she wore when she met the Queen (of England). Fitting that Finn should wear it to come to the defense of his gay friend =P. Why is it that you can break my heart and mend it in under 25 minutes? Why, Glee? WHY?!?!

Anywho, until next week remember to watch out for jumpers!